Monday, September 13, 2010

Talk yourself into a more productive divorce experience

People often ask me how I can handle a divorce practice day in an day out when I am seeing people who are often at the worst point in their lives. Handling divorces can be stressful and anxiety producing but, by the same token, if I can successfully guide people through the process in a positive environment designed to help them move on, I feel like I am accomplishing a worthwhile goal.

In order to make your own divorce more productive and less taxing, try following these tips:

1. Prepare a mission statement with objectives. By defining both short and long term goals, and what you want to achieve, you can help yourself see the bigger picture. Do you want to go back to school, learn to handle finances, be a better parent or increase your self-esteem? Whatever, your objectives, write them down.

2. Make yourself accountable. For example, if one of your goals is not to let the divorce overtake your life, one of the steps to achieving that may be to take time out for a favorite hobby, seeing friends or for regular exercise. Keep a chart or a log of your achievements in this regard. Even on the days when you feel like your divorce is getting ahead of you, you will feel as if you accomplished something for yourself.

3. Make sure you have an appropriate support system. I advise virtually everyone who consults with me to meet with a counselor or a therapist to assist them with the emotional turmoil that comes along with the divorce. Family and friends can be terrific for emotional support but they are rarely objective. Additionally, you do not want to overwhelm your friends and family with your divorce woes.

4. Stay organized. Read correspondence from your attorney carefully and keep everything filed, in chronological order. You will save yourself both time and money by not having to search for things over and over again or even pay your attorney to explain something to you more than once. In this regard, it might be a good time to start a net worth book. You can read my blog post on this issue here. Staying on top of your divorce will help you be better prepared and informed when it is time to make decisions.

Your divorce experience will be shaped by you, but only in part. Your spouse, the attorneys, and the court system will also play a huge role. However, you need to control what is in your domain: your behavior, attitude, mind set and perspective.

1 comment:

renee alberts said...

it is always difficult to face a divorce...don't do it alone...check out for resources and divorce advice for men to help ensure you a fair agreement.