Sunday, June 10, 2007

Getting Over It

There are plenty of fish in the sea - but what happens when the one I am hooked to wants to unhook from me?

Whether you initiated it or it was foisted upon you, divorce signals the end of a marriage - which can bring feelings of loss, confusion, fear of the unknown and financial difficulties. If you have children, you must learn to raise them in two households instead of one and the adjustment process can be overwhelming.

Obviously, the first step in the process is to consult with a lawyer so you can understand your rights and have a clear idea what is ahead. But once you have taken care of the legal aspects - you need to take care of yourself.

Consulting with a qualified therapist can be invaluable throughout the divorce process - to help you through the difficult times, but also to learn what may have gone wrong in this relationship so you know the warning signs next time.

Do not forget to take care of yourself during the process -- divorce can be agonizingly long and expensive. So you need to continue to develope and nurture the other aspects of your life so that you are not overwhelmed by the process. If it is financially feasible, make time to continue a hobby or interest, see friends and family (without monopolizing the conversation about your divorce!), go to the gym and achieve new heights in your career.

Know someone going through a divorce? Well placed and low key humor can help. Check out these nail polish line with names like E-Nuff is E-Nuff, Read-Y Set Ex, Starter Wife and Wife Goes On. This website sells humorous greeting cards that you can send to a friend going through the process. While not every person divorcing is ready for humor, sometimes just showing you are there for them can help.

A client of mine recommended this book: Around the Home and In the Garden: A Memoir of Heartbreak, Healing, and Home Improvement by Dominique Browning.

I have not read it but she says that when her family was making her feel crazy and bizarre for taking so long to get over the end of her marriage, she found comfort and solace in its pages. This author talks about the years of recovery, and she needed to know that it could take that long and that she was not the only one in the world who was having trouble getting over her divorce. So while I cannot personally vouch for the book, it did help one of my clients.

So whatever your method:

reading, seeing a therapist, finding solace in
friends, etc.,

make sure that you do not let your life stop

because your
relationship has ended.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'd also strongly recommend "Conflict Unraveled" by Andra Medea. Check your local library, bookstore, Amazon or You'll learn about common reactions to conflict, how to stop them in yourself, and cope with them in others. Divorce gets ugly; it's the worst kind of power struggle. The book will help you understand and try to reduce the anger and conflict.